Poseurs Beware!

Last night during the Grammy Award presentation, B.O.B, some rapper I never heard of before, sported a MONOCLE as he gave his crappy and contrived acceptance speech!!!!! Let me tell you something you may not know about me- last year I started to wear a monocle around to annoy people at work! I HAVE DOZENS OF WITNESSES!!!! Have you any idea how many times I pulled an "I Say", or after someone insulted me, I would put the monocle to my eye, look them over from head to foot, and then roll my eyes in disgust! Oh, I couldn't be more angry.

PUBLIC ENEMY NO. 1

Now poseurs will come pouring out of the woodwork wearing monocles! Not classic ones, mind you, but with pink frames, racing stripes, i-Phone jacks....I.....I'm going MAD! MAD! Now I'm nauseous! Everything is spinning! My shtick is totally ruined! Is Hollywood bugging my house? How can I know? Wait... I have other shtick that will be the canary-in-the-coal-mine for me. I've always wanted a steel hand to replace my boring ol' left hand, an eyepatch with a cool scar running across and underneath it, and a wooden leg (either will do). If you see a guy like that accept a Grammy next year, you'll know the balloon is up and I've declared war on the West Coast. My last, best, 'thing' is my dream of owning a sport coat made of grass (actual grass- like your lawn. Beat it, you pot-heads!) with a tiny lawnmower that fits in your pocket to keep it looking even. If some guy shows up wearing that, I'm moving to the moon with that cat from the cartoon.

AAAAAAGGHHHHH! I say again, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!

Sincerely,

Mandrake