Auf Wiedersehen Machos!

From SPIEGEL ONLINE

A new manifesto from the German Green Party aims to banish macho men for good. It has stirred debate among men, even if a number of female Green politicians remain unconvinced.... The signatories include several Green politicians from the European parliament, the German Bundestag as well as local Green leaders. "We no longer want to be macho," it declares, "we want to be people. You are not born a man, you are turned into one."

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I don't think even Dieter saw this coming.

I didn't have time to read the whole article, because I was too busy wrestling bears and alligators. "Who won, Mandrake"? I'm glad you asked me that! I beat the Alligator best two-out-of-three falls, but the bear was really giving me a hard time up until I shot him.

The German Green Party: Never have so few done so little for so many.

Will they manage to turn REAL men into Non-Macho men on a global scale? Maybe. They've already got to Harrison Ford and Ryan Reynolds, though I doubt they'll get the likes of Nicolas Sarkozy or Baron Meinster, unless they turn out to be the same guy. I guess I'll have to retreat to my Bunker I dug in the backyard sooner than expected.

The contents:

-DVD box-set of Rachel Welch films
-Fridge
-No.1 Hatchet
-No.2 Hatchet
-Combination Hatchet/Philips Screwdriver
-Swiss Army Hatchet
-10 Beef carcasses
-600 pounds salt
-2 tons of Harmless Tobacco
-Pipe
-Emergency Pipe
-Copy of Robinson Crusoe
-Tricorne Hat
-Omega Bomb from 'Beneath the Planet of the Apes'

Mandrake

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Additional- Know Your Enemy

The New German Male™
   Size: Moderate to Swabian
   Weapons: Whining, followed by angry Haiku-Storm on Twitter
   Fear Factor: Unbelievably Low
   Likely Outcome of Hand-to-Hand Struggle: Unconscious non-Macho man sprawled on the floor. 
   Likeliness of Attack: Surprisingly high. Just fail to put enough cinnamon in his Latte and stand back.
   Defense: Taking away their hand lotion and lip balm will render them helpless.
   Bad Move: Hiding out in a woman's lingerie section of a department store.

Major Matt Mason vs Bullet-Man (for the over-40's)

Major Matt showing off his impressive Aikido Skills

Why aren't we all driving one of these NOW?!?!

Remember these Toys from the Old-Daze? Major Matt Mason had a squared-away haircut to differentiate him from deviated preverts and Hippies like Al Gore and Susan Sarandon. The figure was made of rubber with metal wires in the arms and legs for posability. Sometimes they would break and poke through his skin like green-stick fractures, and even with such unbearably painful wounds his facial expression remained a determined "America First". The Walker was cool with an automatic cable-retractor. The jerky walking-motion is probably what eventually drove the Major crazy- that and two tours in Central America.

Do you remember that squeeky sound his limbs made when you bent them? I think all the internal wires snapped after 3 days, leaving him permanently rubber-legged, like he was on a eternal Jovian malt liquor-fueled bender. But that walker was certainly the coolest toy of the 20th century- way better than BulletMan and his shiny bullet helmet and velour undies. And the string he rode in on.

Snappy outfit, shiny metal arms- what's not to like?

Insert thought image of your choosing

Bullet-Man's arms squeaked too. And remember the hooks on his backs, that allowed him to slide on a string, and ram headfirst into his target? Now in retirement, he can't remember who was president after Woodrow Wilson. He had shiny metallic-looking plastic arms and legs (Bullet-Man, not Wilson). Also the joints on the wrists and ankles were useless, to the extend that he couldn't stand up under his own power. You had to prop him up between two books or put him into some kind of balsa-wood wheelchair you made for him. No wonder he wore that fruity helmet- he was too ashamed to be seen in public.

Take a look at Bullet-Man's head. It immediately answers the question "What was George Lazenby doing in the late 70's?". He was modeling for this plastic toy, or was perhaps himself the real Bullet-Man.

The name is Man ...... Bullet-Man.

It's all true- I was there. What was my point? I can't remember- it was a long time ago.

Mandrake