Six-Shooters are a HOOT!

Ever since the dawn of time, man has wanted to handle western six-shooters. You know, spin them, slide them into holsters, cock and shoot them etc. When I was a kid we all had cap-guns and used up enough friendly gunpowder to power a small sun. And we got to talk stupid, too, saying words like "side-winder" and "varmint" in sentences like "reach for the sky, you side-winding varmint" and similar hilarity. We would try it on local stray dogs occasionally and often had to run for our lives from them, and from bullies who didn't share our sense of adventure. I should also mention that *none* of us turned out "weird" or anything, except maybe my friend Steve who tried to blow up a Ken doll using 60 pounds of cap-gun ammo with a box of safety matches. I should mention that he was 31 years old at the time.

Well anyway, at last man has advanced to the point of making six-guns available for the common man (no thanks to the Monoliths).  Well, a bunch of my brothers and nephews broke their piggy-banks and ponied up the money to buy a whole passel of replica six-guns. These suckers have the same weight and mechanisms of the real things, only they can't actually shoot real bullets. I know what you're thinking- "That's dumb". Sorry, but the truth is YOU'RE DUMB.

See what I mean? Everybody wins with six-shooters! Look at him smile!

Let me tell you something before you pass judgment. What makes more sense: people getting together to drink Martinis and talk about taxes and lawns, or sitting around the den, spinning and waving six-shooters, pointing them at each other while laughing like madmen? Yes, maybe in your buttoned-down world of fine wines and dinner parties with Oso Bucco on the table you don't spin revolvers backwards and forwards, occasionally dropping them on the kitchen tiles, chipping them and getting shouted at. Where else am I supposed to practice? The kitchen is the best-lit room in the house!

There are many fringe benefits to sitting around watching Westerns when everyone in the room is armed. First, you try and get the drop on somebody who's not paying attention, and disarm him. Then there's the cliche phrases you get to use as you draw and cock your Navy Colt and point it at your neighbour, such as "Smile when you say that" or "When you call me Shorty, say 'Mister' my friend- maybe you'd rather be dead?!?". Pretty soon everyone's practicing their quick draws, border-rolls and spins. Guns are crashing into vases, through windows, people are spraining wrists and your mother is stomping downstairs to give you a lecture on growing up. Did I mention my mother is 85 and the average age of our "posse" is about 40? Maybe I shouldn't.

So listen here pardner, don't be some boring dope who plays squash and doesn't own broken or chipped furniture. Get yourself a six-gun today. It was good enough for Tonto. It's good enough for you.

Offered by my wife after the kitchen tile incident

Mandrake the Low-Down Bushwhacking-Sidewinder

PS-
I almost forgot. Having a gunslinger party is a great way to get/give a cool Western nickname. So far we've got "Kansas City", "Mississippi" and the "Pea-Green Rebel" (Me).