Second-String Monsters, Part I

When Shelley wrote Frankenstein, I'm sure the possibility of her writing "Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein" seemed remote indeed. Same deal with Bram Stoker and Dracula; "Billy The Kid vs Dracula" may have been idly scribbled on a napkin as he took his third hit of opium that afternoon, but if he did, he probably used the napkin to wipe the drool/sweat off his face a few minutes later. Where am I going with this? I think the following picture says it all:

That's right baby... I'm DRACULA!

Only it's not Dracula. It's the usually suave and effete Baron "Meinster" of Transylvania. "Did you say 'Baron Monster', herr Mandrake"? Nein!! I said Meinster, because that's the dude's name. Very catchy, huh? Just in case you saw him at the beginning of the film and didn't figure out he was a vampire, the writer thought he'd give you a subtle hint, about as subtle as the guy on the pizza box with the chef's hat giving you the "OK" signal. So it turns out that even though the film is called "Brides of Dracula", Dracula's not in it, at all. What gives, Count? It's not like you're getting a tan in Bermuda. Can it be that the audience had 'Dracula Fatigue™' (a very real condition)? Not likely, because that didn't really take hold until the 1990's. We all know that Dracula finally called it a day and staked himself in the heart when the vacuous, voguing vampires of 'Twilight' showed up, what with the sensitivity and the no killing humans policy that makes me boo them loudly even as I write this. But that was all in the future 40-50 years ago.

I think it just came down to Dracula being really busy during the 60's and 70's. Add to that the fact that he usually dies at the end of every film. Take a look at this small sampling of his works:

Dracula, Prince of Darkness – 1966
Dracula Has Risen From the Grave* – 1968
  *(Isn't that the whole point?)
Blood of Dracula’s Castle – 1969
Taste the Blood of Dracula** – 1970
  **(Isn't that the exact opposite of the whole point?)
Scars of Dracula – 1970
Countess Dracula – 1970
Dracula VS Frankenstein – 1971
Dracula’s Great Love – 1972
The Satanic Rites of Dracula – 1973
The 7 Brothers Meet Dracula*** – 1973
  ***(Original title was "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers Meet Dracula and his Girlfriend, Carla")

That should explain why the second stringers like Meinster and The Bride of Frankenstein and even Blacula had to occasionally stand in for the principals. So next time you see a mob rush by with pitchforks and torches, stop, and shed a tear for the hard working third-rate bandage-wrapped zombie in "Abbott and Costello Meet the Mummy", a project the real Mummy wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.


Mandrake