Exoplanets are Not the Answer

"Hundreds of planets around other stars have been discovered recently,
but many centuries may pass before human eyes actually see them up close.
Ultimately mankind will have to colonize these worlds to survive and avoid
environmental catastrophe." 

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Hey, I'd be only too glad to move to a new planet, where french fries have
no cholesterol and bookies can no longer find me. Unfortunately the planets
they have found so far have their drawbacks:

Huge Planet circling large red star:
First of all the high gravity means fat guys don't stand a chance, and thin guys
will be pinned under their bedsheets. Secondly, the sky is always red, making
every street a red light district, confusing pimps and prostitutes and putting the
makers of Infra-Red goggles out of business.

All-Water worlds:
Well, reading a newspaper is now out of the question. Swimming will be the
only sport, boring people to death. You're local Red Lobster won't be a
restaurant, but your neighbour, possibly your town mayor.

Tiny moon circling a gas giant (like Jupiter):
18-hole golf courses will only exist in your dreams- even mini-putt courses
will only have 4 holes. On the upside, a full revolution of the moon will
only take three hours, so your work day will be considerably shorter.
Unfortunately everyone's mailbox will be choked with monthly magazines
and other periodicals every 36 hours.



Mandrake