is the name we are giving our late-spring road trip to the USA to visit my brother. Previous titles were Operations Houseboy, Cannibal, Megalon and Malediction, each one more successful than the last. The usual cast of characters are several of my brothers and nephews, and of course, myself. Only the manliest men get to go on these adventures, and any failure to live up to that requirement can have fatal consequences.
 |
| Operation Megalon, when we swiped some pies from the window sill of that Amish family |
Friday:
2:00am- Have a Martin-Sheen-in-Apocalypse-Now-mirror episode in a hotel room. Bandage hand, get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.
11:30am- Assemble at my house
11:30:01am- Start driving
11:35am- Reconsider bringing Uncle Carstairs, since I have a GPS that whines less, smells better and is a better conversationalist
1:00pm- Fast food blowout; suggest Kentucky Fried Chicken and Mountain Dew as a deadly lunch cocktail to start stomach churning, as part of endurance test
2:15pm- Begin slapping my now hysterical nephew, Charly.
2:16pm- Stop for Moon-Pies
5:00pm- Enter Brother's bunker complex; codeword: Demarcation
5:15pm- Catch Charly trying to put on cologne
5:20pm- Charly's trial
5:21pm- Charly's execution
7:00pm- Ambush Uncle Carstairs as he panics and goes for the cops
6:00am- Wake refreshed, spend pleasant day in the US
4:00pm- Drive home, come up with Brilliant alibi
I am preparing my driving outfit for the road trip. It will consist of a Fez, dinner jacket (with eppaulettes and medals), jodhpurs and black cavalry boots. I will have a Mauser automatic pistol in a clumsy shoulder holster, a bent Russian cigarette hanging perilously out of the corner of my mouth, and an espresso in a small chipped cup in my left hand. My pet lion, Ulysses, will occupy the front passenger seat. Maps will be scattered carelessly about the vehicle, and I will be dictating orders and letters for the entire trip, which my passengers will be typing out furiously on typewriters from the 30's.
 |
| Pic of Ulysses taken just after we conquered Mars |
Mandrake
No comments:
Post a Comment