Bears vs The Bogeyman: A Comparative Study

Comparative Threat Study:

Bear
Size: Large
Weapons: Teeth and claws
Fear Factor: Moderate
Likely Outcome of Hand-to-Hand Struggle: Severe mauling, including
possible loss of torso
Likeliness of Attack: Very Low, unless in forest, moderate.
Defense: Make yourself look big, play dead, get into your car. For
heroes, resort to hatchet.
Bad Move: Hide in your refrigerator.

Since there is a chance that an encounter with a bear can end with a
friendly tip of the hat, Bears do not weigh heavily on the minds of
people except campers, hermits, mountain men, poachers, drunken
frat boys and cowards. It weighs even less on people armed with guns
and the over-confident. Blowhards generally discount Bears as a
threat of any kind.

Bogeyman
Size: Moderate to Large
Weapons: ?*
Fear Factor: Existential
Likely Outcome of Hand-to-Hand Struggle: Ranges from strangling to
indescribable horror
Likeliness of Attack: Never/Extremely low
Defense: Keep lights on, never turn around, don't look into the bathroom
 mirror or at any windows at night.
Bad Move: Hide in your refrigerator.

*No preference of weapons has been definitively recorded for any
bogeyman.

A bogeyman is a supernatural enemy, so even blowhards say their prayers
on occasion. In fact the threat of a bogeyman is so immanent in the minds of
people that sometimes it's all that keeps society in check. Priests,
Nuns, Friars, and Monks do not fear the bogeyman, although some Pastors do.


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