Note to Boring People: You're Boring!

To the people I work with- you are very boring. As boring as a Western where the lead Cavalry Scout seems to sense and ambush in the gorge his column is riding through, only to find it was just a plastic shopping bag blowing by. Then, you think it's about to get exciting because they cut to an angry Cardinal on a train rummaging through a pile of Papal Bulls, but then he smiles and pulls out his ticket, and hands it to the conductor. Finally, a dusty cowboy enters a saloon, walks up slowly behind the sheriff, and asks him where he can buy a new hat.

In my exciting world, where you guys can never enter, by the way, the Scout, the Cardinal and the Cowboy rob Fort Knox, shooting and dynamiting 4,518 guards, 65 bears, 11,942 Indians, and 300 corrupt congressmen sworn to protect the gold. This causes alien spies from the Popeye Nebula to reconsider their whole race's slide into indolence.

Oh yeah, in the end credits, the Cardinal wrestles a giant squid in a grotto at the heart of the Sierra Madres.

That's Fort Knox alright- I'd know it anywhere.